I got chris browned last night
I've blown a few things in my day
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
