stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize