I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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