It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize