Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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