So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
