I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
