yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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