i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
its liver damage thursday
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
