hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
