brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
