pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
