if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
