i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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