I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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