she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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