stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize