Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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