You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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