i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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