Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
