These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
