apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
