Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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