I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
