So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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