This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I still have a little drunk in my system
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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