It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
