i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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