Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize