when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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