so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
