did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
