Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
