U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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