i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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