I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
