Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
NoShamevember. You game?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
