also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
