Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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