Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize