I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize