You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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