Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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