you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize