He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you had me at cake vodka
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
