he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
