Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
