Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Everclear isn't food dammit
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
