Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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