i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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