I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
