I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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