I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Randomize
