All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
