sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
