I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
