cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
