I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
