the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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