Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
