i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
