There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
