She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
