if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize