she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
