There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
