just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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