Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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