is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
