My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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