Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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