So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
