Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
