mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
